For a family that does not "do" Santa, last night was a rare treat for my kids. Santa Roy came out to our house and brought two homemade rocking horses for the twins and Jadon and an R/C car for Jared.
Santa Roy had seen our article in the Tribune and wanted to give Jadon his very own rocking horse for his 1st Christmas as an American with a family. How sweet is that?
Once he made it here, we learned he knew the old owners of the home. We also learned his sister-in-law lives down the way from us. And, he also worked at Chrysler for 35 years. Shawn's worked there for nearly 20 and I did for 7 years too before taking the buyout.
So, Santa Roy spent some time holding Jadon, gave Joseph a high-five and trying (ever so unsuccessfully) to get Jackson to shake his hand! LOL I did mention we don't do Santa, right? :)
Jadon knew exactly what to do on the rocking horse too!! So sweet, we just put him on and he began a rockin' away!!!
Now, for those of you who don't know our reality. Let me share with you, I've told friends and family members how delayed Jadon is...I guess it didn't really sink in with some. So here it is.
Our youngest son is 3 years old. AGED to 3 YEARS. He is
LITERALLY the size of a one year old child. His shoe size is
SMALLER than a size 2 baby shoe. His foot is not as long as my palm is wide. He is delayed to that of 3-6 month old. Darcy was evaluating his this past week for OT (occupational therapy) and I was prepared for this, I've told people all along he is developmentally equivalent to a 6 month old. I was not wrong, not surprised but it still angers me.
That place, the baby orphanage, did
NOTHING with him. My child still has no concept of play, though, now, he will willingly, freely explore the house, his surroundings and occassionally grab a toy. He will not watch signing videos. He will not sit happily for a book. He will not willingly do puzzles. He cannot/will not push a car back and forth. Balls make him giggle but he cannot truly reciprocate the return of a ball.
I am not complaining, I am sharing.
What Jadon can do is: Giggle with fierceness when something strikes his fancy. He can babble with "da-da" and "vuh-vuh". He can drink from a cup. He can splash in the bath. He can crawl. He can bring himself to stand in the middle of the room unassisted for about 5 seconds at a time. He can choose between Shawn and I and freely comes up to us (or the boys) for interaction. He can use a fork, pretty well but only after I have "poked" the food for him.
Jadon can also rock in a corner, rubbing and banging his head for stimulation to bring himself down from too much action or for not enough too. He can fall and bang his head and laugh because he does not know that he should be crying. He can suck his thumb til it is raw with patches of skin missing (he is not chewing to self-soothe or to mutilate, but sucking with fierce abandon to self-soothe). He can steal food and shove it ALL IN his mouth like a rabid raccoon eating it's last meal. He will grind his teeth too for the sensation.
These behaviors, this "survival mode" is sickening. The potential was/IS there for Jadon. The damage is so unnecessary and it angers me. Time will help, redirection helps, therapy helps, massage helps, holding him helps and then, at times, just letting him be...helps.
It is the reality of many adoptive parents, one that must be made aware for those walking this mile. You absolutely cannot expect to bring home a 3 year old orphan and it be like bringing home your 3 year old cousin and watching them for the afternoon. IT IS NOT GOING TO BE LIKE THAT. There will be challenges, frustrations, exhaustion, anguish, pain, sadness, the list goes on and on; but, the flipside of of that is knowing your family has the piece that was missing. We brought home our son, we did not do this to "save" a child. We see Jadon growing each day, gaining each day, learning each day. The anger for the damage that's been done, is still there; but, that is not Jadon's fault. It is the fault of his circumstance.
There are children in other baby orphanages that have Down syndrome that can self-feed, that get therapy at their orphanage, that get to play. Not all children will be as delayed as Jadon, some will be further damaged. That fact is heart breaking. If you are feeling the call to adopt, please listen. Your child is waiting.
love,
"I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." Isaiah 45:2-3 (NIV)
