Four years and counting....

In a matter of hours, on October 6, 2015, 

Jadon Andrew will have been an official member of the Taylor family for FOUR years.

He wasn't expected, He was selected...

Adoption changed  him, forever.

An orphan no more.

He grew, by leaps and bounds. 

from skin and bones at 3 years old and 15 lbs. to....

a robust 34 lbs a year later

He's thinned out a bit and grown about 15 inches in 4 years too

He's pretty pleased :) 

It wasn't love, he wouldn't have it. It wasn't food, he ate well. It was simple socialization, touch and interaction that helped him grow and flourish and many, many people just don't understand--cannot grasp that concept.

Do I love him? Absolutely, very much! And, much to my delight, he accepts that love today and seeks it out even. But, when he first came home, there was no love from him. No acceptance of love given. He simply had no idea what love was or what love did for him.

Love sent his father and I across the ocean. Love for him, a tiny waif we had never seen, touched or held and Shawn and I loved him. Sight unseen. We.Loved.Him. We loved him just enough to keep moving forward when the whole idea seemed absolutely impossible and insane to even some of our own family members. We knew, somehow deep inside we knew, Jadon was ours--though he wasn't the one we originally set out to rescue. Jadon set out to redeem our hearts, and, he did.

There's a family adopting a tiny waif just across the seas in an Eastern European country and this FRIDAY he becomes an official Stacey. They hope to leave at the end of this month and are in the final stages of the berthing pains of raising funds to alleviate the financial burden that accompanies adoptions.

Friends, I've not blogged in a long time. A very long time. But I am begging you to help this family. You can donate to them through Reece's Rainbow if you like for the donation to be tax deductible at

http://reecesrainbow.org/89079/sponsorstacey

If you'd like to donate directly to the family leave a message here and I will be happy to tell you how to do that too.

Can you please help donate friends, this family has been trying so very hard to raise these funds. They are in the final stages, just a few weeks left to raise $2000.00

Hit me up on Facebook and I'll get you a link to their fundraiser over there too.

We learned that orphans are easier to ignore before you know their name. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they're not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do. EVERYTHING CHANGES.
~~David Platt~~

Meet the newest member of the Stacey Family

Please, do what you can, share if you will. Every little bit helps and EVERYTHING CHANGES. 

Bringing Another Home

Adoption...the one thing, I NEVER, in a million years, would have thought adoption would TIE me to a world full of people I never knew beforehand. In all my naivety, I would not have dreamed this would have been my walk in life--never mind me raising two children with Down syndrome as well.

I never wanted children. That's right, never. Didn't want to mother little beings and bring them up in this world. One child, born to another woman, changed that all for me--he just graduated. I became pregnant, unexpectedly, with my first born after a difficult miscarriage.

Jared set me full on the path of motherhood. And, I was content. Happy. Ecstatic to raise just one child when my marriage fell apart. I was a single mom. Something I never wanted to be either. Yet, I did it and I did it well with the support of loving friends and family. Then came the twins, Down syndrome, and adoption.

Adoption. 

There is a HUGE gift in mothering in such a manner and I want to share with you a quote, I do not know who coined it.

"Children born to another woman call me 'Mom'. 

The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth
 of that privilege are not lost on me.''

Where am I going with this? Well, Down syndrome and adoption have tied me to a woman I have never met (I will someday) and she is adopting her 3rd son with Down syndrome. Did you catch that? Her 3rd son, born with Down syndrome.

I am not going to try and make Nykki sound like a saint. I will not make her out to be some WonderMom or SuperYoga-Hero (but I am pretty darn sure she is both). I will say this, she is a mom with a heart for her boys. The videos, the pictures, the love I see in her face in the pictures when the boys were first laid in her arms is magical. She loves those two with all her being, and it is apparent, y'all and her heart is hungry for her third son.

She chose to mother children, like my sons, born with Down syndrome. She chose to adopt. She chose motherhood--I tried to run from it :)  She is a ROCKSTAR in my book. We are in stark contrast of one another in many ways...but that doesn't matter, because at the end of the day. We are tied, she and I. Oddly, magically, wondrously tied by an extra chromosome and adoption.

Please, help Nykki fund raise to alleviate the financial burden that accompanies adopting. Elliott will be home in about 6 months from what I understand. The matching process was fast, the paperwork has been set in motion. Soon she will travel to bring him home, forever. 

Home to a family that will LOVE him unconditionally, rear him to love all, and teach him what love and acceptance, on every level, is really all about. I am proud to "know" Nykki P. and I hope that you will help her in this journey to bring Elliott home. Please click on his picture to donate to her funding site.

 "I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." Isaiah 45:2-3 (NIV)

Mothering and that maternal instinct I don't have

The family is a whirlwind today. We have officially finished this school year and (I) am eagerly awaiting August 13th for school to start back up.

I am going to be painfully honest here. I like when my children are apart from me, learning, growing, living, experiencing life. I like when I don't have them underfoot 24/7. Mothering is hard. Mothering is not, never has been, my first choice for me in life. I had children and I took the back, furthest back, barely warm, burner for myself. That's what good moms do, right?

Wrong. At least that's what I think. Wrong. And, I? I was nearly dead wrong. I let everything about me go. My mental state, my weight, my health...all.of.it. I let it go and it was a very bad move.

You know what I think good moms do (and they all do it in different ways). I think a good mom will push her children, goad them on in life to achieve. And I don't think we all need to be SAHMs and I don't think we all need to be working moms either. And we sure don't need people telling us the best thing we can do for our children is deprive ourselves of our needs/dreams to care for them either.

I do think we ALL need to find that healthy medium for us. What works for me, certainly won't work for you and vice versa. I think we need to stop making moms feel as though staying home is the MOST important, end all be all to raising children. It isn't. Period.

I have spent nearly 7 years home with my kids and I have damn near gone crazy doing it. I have the utmost respect for those of you that love this sort of thing and being at home, all the time, with your children. I envy you in some odd manner, really I do. I'd like to be that way. I'd love to enjoy this role in my life; but, I am a mom and that is neither good, bad, nor indifferent--it simply is what it is.

What is incredibly cool is I have recently undergone psychological testing. I have learned I am NOT depressed, I am NOT bi-polar, I do not have OCD, and I do have ADD. I have learned, most importantly, why mothering is so very hard for me.

My brain is not wired to do it. I am not maternal. Not in the least stinking bit. There is a portion of testing that measures femininity, masculinity....I scored, uhhh, well, I might as well be Hulk Hogan because June Cleaver I AIN'T!

I am extremely removed from the maternal instinctive mannerisms that a woman would normally have. And, it was a HUGE relief to see why and be able to explain why I struggle like I do, doing what I do, every.single.day.

FINALLY, I can give myself a break and understand why I am the way I am in many aspects after receiving my feedback from the psych and not just in this one manner either but as a whole.

I am no longer guilty that I don't like being a SAHM. My hats are off to you ladies that do :)

I love my kids but I am my own person, as they are their own person. And, there is nothing wrong with that in my book.

Fat? Sick? Tired?

So, I used to be fat, sick and tired. Tired of being sick and tired of being fat and tired of being sick and tired and fat!

I started a weight loss journey in January 2012 and my health took a SUDDEN and RAPID nose dive. Then, I was very ill in May and could've died from what was happening to my body. I had family pictures done (at our old home church) in September---the first family pictures since the twins were 3 months old, and they are nearly 6 now. I saw the pictures and, quite literally, wanted to vomit.

I decided I'd make a change and two months later asked Shawn for the money to join the Kokomo YMCA's Holiday Trimmings Club for 6 weeks. The program is designed to help you NOT gain the average 7 lbs that it seems everyone gains over the holidays and help you start on the road to a healthy you.

Well, it worked for me. Yes, I have been sick along the way. Yes, I have missed sessions. Yes, I hav been so very sore I didn't know if I could keep going. Yes, I fight my fatness. BUT, I am winning. I have beaten fibromyalgia symptoms and beaten psoriatic arthritis pain too. I have not had medication since January when I had a WICKED case of diverticulitis that totally was AWFUL. I missed a lot of workouts in January, but I got right back up and started in again once I was healthy.

I work out for two hours on Tuesday and Thursdays doing Aqua Zumba followed by Zumba in the gym. Then Zumba in the gym on Sunday. I try to not miss these at all. I LOVE ZUMBA!!!!!! ( #zumba #zumbawhippedandlovingit ) And then I try to hit the treadmill as often as I can and actually completed a 5k in 30 minutes and I don't run in the traditional sense. I love to walk.

Oddly, and much to my surprise, my body is craving my workouts and I find that remarkable :)

So, without further adieu .....the proof is right here :)

*****disclaimer....this is not for accolades, it is my hope to inspire ONE person to change******

 "I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." Isaiah 45:2-3 (NIV)

BRCA1 and BRCA2....love and death.

For those of you who just drop by here, you may not know this....my momma died nearly 19 years ago from breast cancer that metastasized to her brain at the age of just 37.

This year, I made the resolve to bite the bullet and get genetically tested to see if I carry the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene mutation (a.k.a. the breast cancer gene). I am relieved to say I do not. I got my results today. There is a strong familial history of breast cancer as well as Ashkenazi Jewish heritage in my family which puts me at risk as well.

Now, while I am relieved...my heart is broken...it's like I needed to know that was what killed mom....and now, I still have no answers as to why she was so sick, so young. I was totally prepared to walk the same mile some of my friends have, and weirdly, maybe I'd even feel better if I had too.

The anxiety is gone but I am laden with some weird pain now, I don't really know how to describe it. Mom is still gone, nothing will change that....I guess it would just be easier to know she died so young because of mutant genes and not just "because".  ****logically, I know she could have had the mutation, but if I did, then it would have been concrete in my mind****

I know I am blessed and I am elated that I don't carry the mutation(s). But, this has hit me straight out of left field. All I can think is, "WHY????????"

Why mom?
Why not some one else?
Why my mom?
Why do my memories of her have to be clouded with sickness?
Why can I not remember fun-loving Chit like my Aunt Sue does?
Why her?
WHY THE HELL HER!!!!!!!!!!???????

Right now, I am just plan hurt, angry and sad. Mom is dead and we are just as baffled today, nearly 19 years later as we were the day she died and we didn't know what had killed her. I know what killed her, brain cancer did. I want to know why??? Old wounds don't heal, heartaches don't fade, longing to hear her voice never changes, wanting to see her with her grandbabies is ever present. I hate it. She'd be such a great, loving, fun, involved grandma.

CANCER CAN SUCK OFF.......I HATE YOU, CANCER!!!!!!!! YOU STOLE MY MOM. YOU STOLE MY BABIES GRANDMA. I PLAIN, FLAT OUT, HATE YOU. I HOPE ONE DAY MODERN MEDICINE KILLS YOU, CANCER, BECAUSE YOU DESERVE TO DIE.

Milestones

Milestones....every mother's fear and joy all wrapped up into one package when it comes to her babies.

Jared was a bit late with many of his physical developmental milestones but way, WAY ahead on his cognitive/speech development ones.

Joseph and Jackson were right along side one another, for the most part, until Jackson started walking and then............whoa! that gap widened.

Jadon--is a rockstar in how far that shell-shocked baby was when we brought him home.

Now, another milestone is creeping around our door.

Joseph is about to lose his first tooth or maybe teeth. His two front bottom teeth are loose and out of alignment; big-time, now. His permanent tooth is coming in well behind the baby teeth. His mouth is incredibly crowded to say the least. And I just cannot seem to wrap my brain around the fact that he is losing teeth.

My wee boy, nearly 6, but small in stature and delayed in speech is losing his teeth!!!!!! Whhhhhhaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!! I wanna cry.

The difference between him and his younger, bigger, twin brother are markedly different. Jackson has a good 7 inches of height on Joseph. He's moving right along in kindergarten, never seems to stop talking and can play SkipBo Jr with daddy. Joseph??? well, he struggles to make a sentence and his speech is often garbled and unintelligible to just about anyone, he's still in preschool and we play trains to this very day.

Milestones are a funny thing. I've never really meandered over them for long. It is funny how in my mind's eye I see Joseph and how, chronologically, he is much older and gaining time on me with each passing moment. All my boys are....crazy how it took one silly chromosome to change the whole paradigm.




"I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." Isaiah 45:2-3 (NIV)

I don't wanna

I don't want for a lot in life...and at times, I just don't want period.

Right now, I don't want my heart heavy with the burden of orphans left behind.

I don't want to cook lunch.

I don't want to clean.

I don't want to do coursework.

I don't want to do a lot.

What I really, really, really don't want is to see this child's life wasted in the institution he has resided in for about half of his precious life.

**disclaimer....this may or may not be Heath, I fully believe it is. The picture was taken in 2010**

Heath is an orphan listed on the Reece's Rainbow website. He will be 12 in a matter of months. He was born with Down syndrome. His needs are great. He will needs lots of love and patience. He may or may not walk. He may or may not exhibit institutional behaviors.

What I do know is this. He is a child, tossed away by society and left. He is tiny. He has a full grant. He has people championing for him. I know he needs a shot at life outside of the confines he knows. I know it will take just ONE family willing to step out and trust he is their child. I know whoever this family is (and it must be a family per the country requirements for where he is) they are out there. I hope that one of us knows them and we can help them find their boy.

Speak up. Share. Pray. Wish. Dream. Realize. Love. Push. Move. 

Do just one thing, please, because I don't wanna see him lost forever. 

You can read more about Heath here at Julia's blog http://covenantbuilders.blogspot.com/2013/02/heath-is-still-lost.html

 "I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." Isaiah 45:2-3 (NIV)

Doing what I do

This month, a gal I graduated high school with asked me to hold a Scentsy party in her home. I happily agreed and the party commenced. I love doing what I do. I love the platform I have to share HOW and WHY Scentsy and Stephanie H. came into my life.

I share why I fundraise and why I donate my commission each month. This is NOT about me. This is about awareness. This is about paying it forward. This is about gratitude and long-suffering for those who are left behind and for those families willing to forge ahead in the face of doubt and looming fees to complete an international adoption.

Since November I have supported orphans--this is different than my usual stance which is to only help adopting families that are IN process presently. However, Miss Maggie has stolen my heart, squeezed it and helped me to see the need to place these children's faces OUT THERE in the world and raise money for their funds so that, in all honesty, they will get more consideration because their funds will be larger than some...hopefully.

Please, make no mistake...you all humble me to help me the way you do by supporting my Scentsy store so that I can donate to these children and families. This is not about me. It's all about them and the blessings I can share.


Thank you.





 "I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." Isaiah 45:2-3 (NIV)

Over that hump!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot say it enough or in enough languages!!!!!!!!!!! 

 THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!! 

Maggie is now OVER that $1,000 hump!!!!
I just donated my December commission and bonus to Maggie's Fund. 

$287.00

Below you will find my donation and commission confirmation.

THANK YOU, between November and December we donated a total of $552.00

  "I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down
gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." Isaiah 45:2-3 (NIV)

The Lost Boys...Heath and Alexei

I've shared Heath's picture before...now there is another child, two years younger, also a boy, also born with Down syndrome---stifled in his life at the institute where "The Lost Boys" go.

Friends, Heath has a FULL adoption fund. FULL. NO COST to you once travel begins. Yes there is cost to start up, but then the rest is covered. PAID IN FULL. RANSOMED---if only

If ONLY one family will come for him, step up and MOVE.

The kicker? Alexei is there too...he does not have a full fund--or anything close to it. It may be possible both boys could be adopted at the same time since they are in the same place. And if that's the case, you are most likely looking at 2 boys saved and RANSOMED in near full.

My friend, Debbie, has set 2013 as the year to push to find Alexei's family......I am setting to find Heath's family (and Maggie's too, I pray).

You can see Alexei here http://reecesrainbow.org/1079/alexei4502

You can see Heath here http://reecesrainbow.org/1518/heath-47

There is a third boy listed with them, Hanson, you can see all the boys here http://reecesrainbow.org/category/waitingbycountry/ee-1/orphanage-47

Debbie and I have coupled up to raise money for Alexei and awareness too.
Please if you love Scentsy products, please shop this link to shop from Alexei's fundraiser
https://ctaylor5477.scentsy.us/Scentsy/Buy?partyId=129653037

 Please, I am begging, I won't even try to say I am not. To learn more about The Lost Boys, please visit this blog by Julia http://covenantbuilders.blogspot.com/ and click on the link that reads "The Lost Boys". Julia's son Aaron once survived this place....Heath and Alexei are surviving. Can someone show them what LIVING is all about??????

Proverbs 24:12 tells us that "Once our eyes are opened we cannot pretend we do not know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls knows we know and holds us responsible to act."







 "I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." Isaiah 45:2-3 (NIV)

Our New Years Eve fun :)

Today, we went sledding :) Jadon's first time and Joseph's too. 

Jackson got a chance to hit the kiddie slope yesterday (three whole times!). 

We went to a local park and, much to our surprise, we had a prime hill all to ourselves! 

Perfect for the little guys so momma did not have to worry about them getting run over by crazy kids with watchless parents. 

Jadon even went solo! He picked up the jist of what we were doing right out the chute! 

He was going and sitting on the broken sled trying to scoot down the slope on his own! 

Today, we went sledding :) Jadon's first time and Joseph's too. Jackson got a chance to hit the kiddie slope yesterday (three whole times!). 

We went to a local park and, much to our surprise, we had a prime hill all to ourselves! Perfect for the little guys so momma did not have to worry  about them getting run over by crazy kids with watchless parents. 

Enjoy :) 

 "I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." Isaiah 45:2-3 (NIV)