A stark contrast

In just one week, it will be 4 months since Alexander found us. My heart hurts. My soul aches. The waiting is hard, much harder than when I was pregnant with my boys.

See, waiting for them I knew SO much.
I knew where they were--safe within me.
I knew they were safe, tucked close to my heart, protected by my body.
I knew they were nourished--I fed them well.
I knew they played--I felt their kicks.
I knew they were loved--I talked to them, rubbed them, listened to them with my monitor.
I knew they were growing--my belly was an ever present proof of that fact.
I knew they were coming--all of them came early but I knew within a reasonable approximation of when they were coming.

Now? Well, now, I know virtually nothing.
I know his in an Eastern European country.
I know GOD is protecting him--I pray for that daily.
I pray he is nourished--but do not know.
I hope he gets to play--but this is not likely a luxury he knows any longer.
I hope he is growing--I fear he is very small.
I have no idea when he is coming home....none. This is so very, very hard. Especially since I believe I know what institution he is located in.

Relying on God, seeing the bigger picture is so very hard for me. I have no problem admitting this. God and I have talked, He can take it. He gently reassures me--He loves Alexander more than I do, to which I answer, "Then why can't he be with me? NOW?" And His reply? "It's just not time. Give ME time. I want more from you." That is what I hear.

Keep praying everyone. Please. Thank you.
~Christie~