It is a shame that "perfect" and "healthy" look so different to each person out there.
To some women that means getting the gender their heart was set on. To some women it is getting the child carried to term after they have lost a child. To some women it is a child born with ten fingers and ten toes. To some women that is carrying the child to a viable gestation and delivering with minimal complications. To some women that is just having that child born....alive.
There are so many of my friends that I am sure view "perfect" and "healthy" completely different than they did before birthing a child who was still born. I am sure there are some friends who view "perfect" and "healthy" differently after birthing a child with a birth defect that was incompatible with life. I am sure some of my friends view "perfect" and "healthy" differently after having fought to keep each child in her womb long enough to be born strong enough to live. I am sure some friends view "perfect" and "healthy" differently now that they have a child with a genetic anomaly.
See, my "perfect" and "healthy" changed once I lost my first child on October 9, 2001. I never knew the babies sex, I don't know if there were any chromosomal abnormalities (though my heart tells me she did). But from that moment on my view of "perfect" and "healthy" changed. If I were to have children, I just wanted them born.
Then after having Jared and a family member delivered a still born child, I realized that "perfect" and "healthy", to me, meant born....alive. Now, I never planned on having more children after Jared. Matter of fact, I tried my darnedest to not have more children. But God had a bigger plan for me. And, when I learned I was pregnant on November 17, 2006 I knew that my view of "perfect" and "healthy" had not changed. I still just wanted the baby to be born alive, I declined any and all extra prenatal testing because if there were something, I did not need to know early, it would have changed nothing about my pregnancy and intent to have the child(ren). I knew in the deepest parts of my heart and soul there was something with the child I was carrying.
At 21 weeks, I learned I was carrying twins and even still I knew there was something with Baby A (Joseph). Yes, I even knew which child. You can even ask my sister, she is the only person I told at the time. I also knew my boys were going to be "perfect" and "healthy". And they are.
There is nothing imperfect about Joseph having Down syndrome. He is part of The Master's plan. A divine plan I could not have written if I wanted too. He is perfect and healthy. He is healthy because he is alive and to me that is the ultimate definition of healthy. I have a skewed vision of health so maybe that is why his ear infections don't phase me. His heart is whole (60% of children with Down syndrome are born with a major heart defect, but to me this does not make them unhealthy either). He doesn't have leukemia. He does not have Celiac disease. He does not have thyroid issues. He is growing and challenging me everyday. See? Perfect and Healthy.
So what is your definition of "perfect" and "healthy"?
2 comments:
Great post, Christie!! Lily is perfect. She's perfect because she's exactly the child God wanted me to have. She fits so perfectly into my heart. I love her with as close to a perfect love as any human being can have. Her perfectly delightful personality blesses everyone who meets her. She's perfectly healthy...never anything but a minor case of sniffles. Perfection has definitely taken on new meaning because of my princess. I love this new kind of perfection!
I am with you Christie, and I have even referred to a child born with T18 or T13 as perfect, because often times they are. They are formed beautifully, but it is what is going on on the inside that you can't see that has caused them to pass away, but they are still perfect somehow, because they are children. I am very black and white in this department. I believe all children are a gift and perfect. I am not so self absorbed to think that there is something better in a child than what I have been given, or what other people have been given either. How honest are we being on here? I have little to no on going sympathy for people who are so self absorbed with their own idea of perfection that they can't see the beauty in front of them. Especially when it comes to our kiddos that happen to be genetically enhanced.I want to shout "ok... MOVING ON". My way of thinking goes something like this... you either want to be a parent or you don't, and I am sort of casual about things. I just take what comes, cuz it is all in the plan.
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