What I want to know is how this happened. How did a young woman trained to work with children with disabilities of all kinds not learn to NOT say the "R" word? HOW?
So, this morning, we started our day as normal as you please. Got all five kids up, fed, and got the two oldest off to school, got myself dressed and hair presentable for M (our PT) to arrive at 9 to work with Joseph. He had a great session, she and I talked a lot and for the first time I felt she was really comfortable in my home. We have not always had the greatest connection with one another. You know how, sometimes, you just hit it off with a person. Well, for us, it was never like that.
We talked about the text messages she was getting (and thusly checking) with pictures of her sister (or sister-in-laws) nursery and the babies that are about to born into her family. We talked about the possibility of her having kids or holding off until her schooling is finished so she can be a full-fledged PT and not just a PTA. A good day. Really and then in an instant, my view of her changed. Forever.
At 9:57 a.m. this morning, while beginning to fill out Joseph's therapy sheet, she screwed up and put January 19 on the page (which in the case of an audit is a BIG NO-NO). She then tore the paper off and began to complain about the "retarded" rule. Huh? What? Did I seriously just hear that word come out of her mouth with my precious son in the room no less? Certainly, she just inadvertently slipped. In my shock, I decided to let it slide but say something to her before she left. And then it came again. "If we got audited and the day was wrong. I would have to pay for that session. It is so RETARDED." uhhhhhhhhhh, what?????????? Did she really just go there again? I sat there nearly dazed, she may as have just stood up and sucker punched me. My heart began to hurt. I cannot let this slide, I refuse to forgive and forget, I MUST say something.
Now, she is rambling on about paper work, corrections, initialing the paper and still she could get audited and it may or may not hold up so it is just best to rip the first paper up and start fresh.............and here it comes again (this time with gusto) "IT IS SO RE-TAR-DED!" WOW, I am now sinking deep into my own psyche and trying to grasp how to keep my cool, keep Momma Bear in check and use this sad incident to educate a young woman who should have KNOWN better.
She finally shuts up and finishes her paper work and before I sign my Face-to-Face sheet, I ask her if I can give her a few words of advice. "Huh? Me? Sure!", she replies. I take a deep breath and start my educating session of Miss M. "Uh, you know in your line of profession, you should never use the word retarded in that text." Now, she knows that it has hit the fan. "What? Did I say that? When? About the paperwork?" I said, "Yes, yes you did. Three times."
"But, I would never..." I cut her off and then she tried to continue, "But the paperwork really is...." again I cut her off and then I continued, "Sorry, I know the paperwork rule is stupid. Ignorant. Whatever. But it is not retarded. My son is, by medical terms, mentally retarded. This is not cool. Not. Cool. I know you meant no harm and I know you would never poke fun of or call a child retarded in a hurtful way. But it did hurt and what if Joseph was an 8 year old child, who could grasp the fact that retarded is not a nice word that is a derogatory statement sometimes meant to hurt? I just really hope you think about that the next time. Retarded, is not cool, M. Not cool at all."
Professionally she did nothing wrong, she is a good PT-not great but good enough to help kids achieve their goals. I called my service coordinator and told her to remove Miss M from our IFSP and explained why. She was floored and asked if I wanted to file a formal complaint which is well within my parental rights. I declined, much to the chagrin of my husband, but I don't feel as if she needs this on her professional file. My decision to end my professional relationship with her is completely personal. I simply cannot welcome her into my home. Ever. I know myself well enough to know I would simply replay those three, ill-placed, ignorant utterances over and over again in my mind.
It's a shame that so many people don't get it but I never expected to hear such ignorance's uttered by a professional working one on one with kids with disabilities on a daily basis.
Bummer. Now our search begins for a new PT. Bummer.
All my kids are special and I LOVE my son's Designer Genes.
~~~Christie~~~
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