.........there is a fierceness in my love for Joseph that is not as apparent with my other two. I love them all but I cannot say that love is the same (I know that sounds awful) but I feel it is equal. I love Jared as my first born, the one that showed me motherhood, the one that drives me batty because we bump heads often. He has had vision challenges since birth and when there is an issue there, I go into full momma bear mode but I give him much room for growth and strength.
Joseph, I love him with a fierceness I NEVER knew existed. He is the secret in my soul. The child I will move obstacles for, the one I would stop at nothing to make sure he achieves all he can and that society changes their views of individuals with disabilities because of him. He is the catalyst that changed my direction in life. He is the one child responsible for tying me to a wonderful family of people I would have never known. My love for him is much more internal and nearly primal because of his diagnosis. He is the glue that holds me together.
Jackson, I love him because he is my last child. The end of my birthing days, the last child I would ever provide breastmilk for. He is strong, independent and amazing. He is the twin to his brother (amazing in and of itself). He is the child I love for being the last in line and strongest in heart. I am so happy to have him for a baby brother for Joseph and LOVE him all the more for it.
I think it is ok to love our kids differently but equally. I would move heaven and earth for all of my boys. I want them all to be loved in this life and be happy. I want them all to dream big dreams and reach their highest goals. I want acceptance for them among their peers and I expect all of them to impact their corner of the world. AND I LOVE THEM ALL!!
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