"I was happy to read your posts again! Maggie would look so sweet in a bow! I followed your adoption and would love to see you post more often and continue to advocate for Maggie or others you may have met when you visited Jadon. It seems so many families go quiet when they come home and I'm always surprised to see a lack of posts for other waiting children they met. I'm not commenting on you specifically, just the sense I get from the families I've followed the last year. It also seems they drop off from commenting on other people's blogs and although they were so active when they were in the adoption process, just seem to disappear from advocating. Maybe you could do a post about that subject! (again, I am really NOT NOT NOT referring to you personally, just something I've observed as an advocate who is not adopting and therefore continues to read and see bloggers come and go, and notice when they disappear from commenting on other blogs). Maybe the entire experience is just so exhausting they need a long break or don't want to ask for funds for a waiting child when they asked for their own adoption - I don't know. I'm happy to hear updates on Jadon - he is adorable!
Anne"
Well, Anne, I will do my best to answer this question. I can say for me, personally, this past year has been chock-full of therapies (at one point in time we went to therapy 4 days a week and twice a day on two of those days at completely staggered times). Time is certainly not a luxury and I miss my time blogging. At the same time, I don't really have much to say about the family that really seems worthy of sharing most of the time. As far as advocating goes, I've never done much advocating really (shamefully). I started with Peter (he's home with a dear friend, Julie K. now) and that snowballed into advocating for Alexander, who we thought was ours. Our adoption journey was exhausting in every since of the word. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically. Financially. Exhausting. And, I'd do it all again, in a heartbeat if God set us on the road to adopt another child. Once getting home, I've not had time to advocate for many children, other than to see their faces and pray. I am grateful for people that advocate tirelessly for the children that need homes, stateside and abroad.
We did not meet children in the orphanage. Jadon's orphanage is quite private. We took him outside just twice and we were not allowed near any children that came out (if they came out) and our meetings were behind closed doors the rest of the time in a tiny 10 by 8 foot room. But the truth is, having been there, seen that, experienced the depravity of their existence first hand---I am afraid to peruse the children more. I have one that haunts me, she won't let me go. Maggie, her picture is on my fridge. I have to see her face every time I open it to get anything for my husband, my boys or myself. I see her and I pray to God to let her tummy be filled. I pray to God for her to feel warmth. I pray to God that she is not treated with a rough hand over there---sadly, I know better. It hurts. It stings. It WON'T go away. And, truthfully, I am afraid that she will not make it out of there. I come to advocate but the words are elusive.
I don't know what to say other than to say, "COME RESCUE HER! SHE IS WORTHY. I TELL YOU, SHE IS WORTHY!!!!!"
and shame on me, my heart bleeds, I am too weak...
Truth is, I am chicken. Truth is, I know that the majority of the children over there won't ever leave or leave alive. Truth be told, I don't want to advocate, I want to forget. I want to pretend I don't know their reality. Truth is, I wish our world was not so cruel. Truth is, I am more comfortable praying in private than screaming from them mountain tops these days. It breaks me to see the children waiting with nothing to cling to.
So, Anne, there you have it. I hope I have helped you understand where I am coming from. I hope you don't hate me for admitting I am weak and my downfalls. International adoption has changed me, profoundly in ways I never imagined I'd be changed--the children need a voice. They do. I prefer to pray them home these days.
love,
"I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." Isaiah 45:2-3 (NIV)
6 comments:
Thanks Christie. This brought tears to my eyes. I think we can all relate to seeing or experiencing something we would like to erase from our memories because it's too painful to remember. I will pray for Maggie and all those who share her fate. I am so proud of you and your husband. You are one of a few who inspire me to continue speaking up and donating what I can to those left behind. Keep up the blog - I enjoy it!
Anne
you've done a thousand times more than most, Christie, in rescuing a child. Peter and Jadon are jewels in your crown, and if you never did another thing for orphan rescue, you've done better than most of this world. love you and love your heart- keep praying, it is the BEST advocacy !!
Amazing post. You know Maggie has been in my prayers too.
As a fellow adoptive mama I can relate to parts of this too. I feel like the adoption process mirrors the birth/pregnancy process in many ways having experienced both now. When we were still in process, I read as many adoption blogs as possible to peek into the window as to what's on the other side and learn about possible issues our child may have as well as experience all the highs of those orphanage visits and Gotcha Day. It's an emotional rush! I think following the blogs is very similar to watching all the Baby Story shows on tv while I was pregnant. Learning about different complications during the birth process as well as the highs of seeing that precious little one enter the world- truly awe inspiring.
Now that Lina is home, life is BUSY. We now have four kids with three different school schedules, assessment appointments, doctor appointments, the list goes on. I try to blog here and there when I can but life just gets in the way. I have fallen WAY behind in my blog reading due to all the same reasons. I find myself wrapped up in Facebook adoption groups to help others through the process as well as network with other families already home. I do try to advocate for other little ones, especially from Lina's region. She was already transferred to an institution and we too did not get to meet many other children, and the few we did see in Lina's groupa- I have no idea of their names nor availability for adoption. Instead I find children listed on Reece's Rainbow that are from the same region and bonus when they are from the same baby house Lina was in before she was transferred. Emotionally yes it is draining... thinking about all the sweet faces we left behind, worrying about their condition and if it's the same or worse as the condition our child was in when we brought her home.... Knowing their chances of being adopted are slim to none. It's heartbreaking. We were fortunate to find a charity that works with Lina's particular institution so we make regular monthly donations, and it helps knowing we can at least help them some way.
Christie-Your bravery in honestly answering this question really touched me. Wanting to forget makes sense. You haven't, but wow! raising your children and advocating is a huge job...two huge jobs...
Anyway, I appreciated the honesty. Jane
I appreciate this, Christie. And Patti's comment made me cry. So true. You are living it, momma. That's the season you are in. And it's GOOD. Love you!
Post a Comment